2 - Redefining Family is a Powerful Move

Queer children are said to disrupt the family because the "family" is built around definitions that automatically assume roles and concepts which conflict with the goal of this old definition. As the queer child gets older, there are certain things that may have been lacking, neglected, misunderstood, or traumatic growing up in their family, that searching for a new chosen family--and/therefore redefining the concept of family itself--becomes a common act in queer young adults. 

Watching my sister move through college and find herself more and more, she went through and shed multiple groups of friends for a multitude of irrelevant reasons, but eventually found herself in such a tight-knit group of friends I would happily define as a family, even if they didn't live together (My sister is gay, if you haven't assumed that already by me mentioning her). Of course they function as a friend group, roommates, etc., but to define their mini-community as a family is a powerful move and absolutely an Emma thing to do (that's her name). They provide for each other community and support (emotionally and tangibly), and they share the burdens of growth and all its parts (growth being a critical aspect of family). 

Taking the word family from the hands of the nuclear family is a powerful move. As much as it is often a necessity to redefine family for many queer (BIPOC or white) folk, it is also at its core a defiant symbolic act. Heteronormative (if that's an accurate descriptor) family as defined by heteronormative society makes being queer and otherwise any queering of the family structure (single parents, etc.) a disruptive thing and therefore a target of othering and criticism. Alexis Gumbs' "M/Othering Ourselves" explores these topics and references the "Sisterhood of Single Black Mothers", a group which, among providing support systems for single black moms, made correlation between black lesbian and single black moms' ostracization as a reaction to each's inherent defiance of a white patriarchal society and concepts. When looking at the definers of the "correct family structure", race has as much to do with being demonized for altering that definition as being queer does. An inherent target for queer BIPOC people's existence within the family concept, any demonstration of not being reliant on that "correct" definition (ie reliant on white, patriarchal standards) gets you demonized. 

Anything that strays "the family" away from the white nuclear definition of it makes enemies with the defenders of the heteronormative definition. By becoming so vicious over any alteration of the definition of family, they endow the word and concept with enormous significance, as well as reveal a deep-rooted fear which understands that their definition is not the only one, so by maintaining control over the words can they maintain control over reality. Therefore to redefine family is a defiant and powerful act.